I Have To Do Something

“You have to be careful how you use the word ‘me.’ If you start using the word me you have already lost the game,”says Chandika

I have always found being around Chandika a refreshing and energizing experience. I recently heard that she had a significant disciple anniversary approaching, and was curious about how she planned to celebrate it. I also wanted to learn more about the long path she has taken in order to get to this place.

What I hadn’t expected was that she was not going to take any credit for it. “It is not always about the ‘me’, it is always about the ‘NOT-ME’.”

“So when my 50th anniversary comes along it is going to be Guru jumping up and down saying, 50 years what shall we do? We shall do great things.”

“God gave me a particular place to be on earth, including a Mother who reached to be a 100 years old, and till the end in perfect health.”   Chandika says her Mom was proud to reach that milestone, and that Guru was also very enthusiastic about it. He also considered her to be one of his disciples. “She was on Guru’s team,” says Chandika. Her Mom felt it was her soul’s promise to the Supreme to live to be 100.

Chandika’s own first steps on the path she says were largely influenced by her two older brothers. “They were sincerely seeking, so there was much to learn there.” She felt her own aspiration very early on was gradually gaining strength and that her brothers were a positive influence on that.

For Chandika, a critical turning point came for her when it was time for her to decide where to go to college. She had been awarded a scholarship at a large, far-off university, but when she returned home after visiting there, she had doubts. In order to make the right choice, she cast the I Ching to determine whether going to that school was the right choice. She was surprised when it told her not to go.

Instead it advised her, “You don’t need to go far away to find what you need in life. Stay close and you will be fine.”

In the end she went to the smaller, nearby college where her brothers had gone. “I felt very protected,” she says about her life at that time.  Then when her brothers, who had become disciples, showed her Guru’s picture, she felt completely ready to make the same move herself. “Everyone knew this had to be the next step for me.”

As she recalls this historic moment, she doesn’t hesitate to suggest that this outer connection could have taken place much earlier;  she feels she should have been with her brothers right from the beginning, when they had first met Guru and became his disciples.

Even though she hadn’t been there from the start physically, when her brothers had the opportunity to show Guru her picture, Guru said, “I have already seen her many times in the inner world.” Chandika says that Guru knew that eventually her entire family would become his disciples.

Chandika remembers that one of her brother once cast her astrological chart, and it indicated hat she would most likely move forward towards her goal in a very direct and singular way, fast as a flying arrow. More importantly, the goal would be absolutely fulfilling. “That way was going to be filled with joy.”

She feels that in a way Guru had already started preparing and guiding her, long before their first actual meeting.

All the same, “I was desperate to go forward and take the next outer steps.  I couldn’t get to Guru fast enough,” Chandika says.  Then, finally, she took a spring-break trip east to New York.  She traveled in a car with a bunch of strangers.   She was able to see Guru for the first time. when she went with other disciples to JFK, to meet Guru when he landed in New York after a trip to India.  The next day she meditated with Guru and disciples at Guru’s home in Queens. “That was very very life-changing.”

On the return trip back home,the others in the car told her they noticed that she had changed. She, herself, felt as if a switch had been turned on, and that her life now glowed with a more powerful inner light.

At the end of her school year, she moved to New York as quickly as she could. She feels that those years–the late 60’s and early 70’s– particularly in America, were special. At that time Guru was attracting the many, many young seekers whose destiny it was to become his disciples.

This was a rapidly growing young community of young disciples, all of whom had come to the spiritual life in their own unique ways, and all were experiencing spirituality and accepting guidance from a Spiritual Master in ways that earlier they could never have dreamed possible.

Chandika says, “that after a year or two on the path you are then in it for the real thing. You are rooted in your growing. The Supreme doesn’t want you just to play games and do tricks.”

“I have always taken seriously what Guru has given me to do,” Chandika says.  Over the years, what that is has continually become more clear to her, and that has been particularly so since his passing in 2007.

Chandika says the short version of the meaning of her name is: “the Goddess of light, power, grace, and luminosity. It is not what I do, it is what I am. There is much more that I need to learn, and this is the time when we are getting closer to our more mature ages. I have to see how I am going to manage the rest of this incarnation. I think the most important thing is to do so with grace.” Ultimately, of course, my purpose is trying to please the Supreme in his own way.

Chandika says that, even though she was fortunate to be able to spend quite a lot of time with Guru, some her most powerful spiritual experiences have taken place when she wast not in Guru’s physical presence,  but Guru inspired and instructed her from a distance.  These were significant lessons completely learned from within.

She tells the story of how, one day, she felt as if someone had hurt her, and she was feeling sorry for herself. Then she imagined herself as a fragile baby duck, and the other person as also being a vulnerable cute tiny animal. “In this way Guru tricked me out of my difficulty. The affection between me and the other person was always there, it was simply another reality. All I had to do was find it.”

Chandika speaks confidently about the years that have transpired since Sri Chinmoy’s passing. She feels that the changes that have happened in her life, and continue to happen, have all been placed before her by Guru.

“Guru wanted everything to expand. I just try to see where he wants me to go next.  I feel Guru everywhere and in everything. He is so huge.   You can see him smiling in the sky. You can feel him all around me.”

“One of my main activities now is working with the brand-new disciples.” She describes a project that she did for the 10th anniversary of Sri Chinmoy’s Samadhi, which involved writing about the 10 most significant memories of Guru in her life.

“At first I began writing dutifully and then ended up just loving it.   There is a part of me that always wanted to be a writer.” She is now working on entire book about Guru in her life, and she feels as though she is in constant inner communication with Guru as she writes. “I am so happy because I feel we are spending time together.” The tentative title of  her book is: “Reminisces drawn from a lifetime with Guru.”

Chandika adds that her day includes writing for an hour, also well as hatha yoga, playing the tabla, and going to the pool to swim. “I feel completely free. There is no pressure.   Wherever my mind roams.”

The exact date of her upcoming 50th anniversary of her life as a disciple is January 13, 2019. She remembers that when her 13th anniversary was approaching, she was also powerfully inspired to undertake a self-transcendence project. “It is not enough just to be alive. I have to do something.” That year she set a goal of running 13 marathons and ended up completing 14!

She then refers back to her earlier comment about not being the doer. “It is not me deciding. It is like a force that comes and says – you can’t let this date go by without doing something.”

Something to do:
Something to love:
Something to look forward to:
Satisfaction in perfection.

Sri Chinmoy, Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, part 7, Agni Press, 1980

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